Why Are Young People So Lonely?
My mother had an odd group of friends when I was growing up.
They were all nice, and caring people, but they were an eclectic mix. Together in a room or at a picnic table, it just seemed like a strange group. And one day at lunch outside of another friend’s house, I asked my mom why she spent time with all these people. I’ll never forget what she told me.
“Chase, so many people in this world are lonely. All anyone wants is a friend, and It doesn’t take much to be a friend to someone.”
Since then, I find myself surrounded by a loving, strange community here in LA. People of all ages, but I do notice that my mother’s words still ring true for so many in this city. Maybe it’s the endless dating apps or the intense pressure to be recognized for your talent or creativity, but whatever it is, I can see that so many people are alone here. Especially young people.
Fear of Rejection Holds Us Back
Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash
Now, I certainly don’t claim to be an expert in this field, though I can speak of my own experiences and shortcomings as a young man trying to find my place in such a chaotic city.
For the longest time, I got my ass kicked by Los Angeles. Within six months of first moving here back in 2010, I was living in my car, sleeping behind the library in Culver City and eating peanut butter sandwiches outside of a Starbucks at 2AM. I moved out here with such high hopes that I forgot about the most important part of living somewhere new—you have to make a life for yourself.
Another good friend of mine, Bob Cicchini, taught me that to be successful in LA, you have to cultivate a life for yourself. Forget about being famous, or being rich, or getting noticed or whatever—focus on building a life for yourself and putting yourself in a position to succeed. This means that you get a job somewhere to support yourself (any job will do). You find a decent place to live. You go out to places and have lunch. Have coffee. Look at art. And most of all, you find good friends to build relationships with and grow with. The ladder is where, I think, fear really stops us.
Photo by Alexandra I. on Unsplash
Young people (myself included) are stifled by the accessibility of smartphones and the bubble they create. It’s gotten to the point where we don’t even approach someone we think is attractive anymore and ask them out on a date. No. Instead, we log on to a database and hide behind profiles and swipes until we find a match. There’s a tremendous layer of detachment that we rely on to build meaningful relationships for us. And really, that detachment has undoubtedly grown with COVID hovering over us the past two years.
Whatever it is, I sense a lot of fear holding us back. Fear that society may not accept us. Fear that we can’t do something we’ve always wanted to do. Fear that we’re not deserving of the life or the love we want for ourselves. Fear that no one else in the world understands us. I’ve dealt with this fear for many years myself. I’ve feared that I would never follow through with anything I started. I’ve feared that I wasn’t smart enough to go to college. I’ve feared that I would lose precious time with the people I love the most. I’ve feared that I would lose an understanding of who I was. I tried so desperately to claw my way back to when things were good, and in doing so, I missed out on so many opportunities to enjoy my life in the present. To be here, now, breathing and living in one of the greatest cities in the world, with time and energy and health to make the most of it.
Only when I decided to let go of that fear did I truly step into who I am today. I decided to let go of who I thought I had to be, and instead, I became who I am—a guy who likes poetry and who no longer takes time for granted. And the more I put myself out there in the world, the more I got back. I found that I wasn’t lonely anymore in a confusing city, but rather, I was discovering so much about myself and connecting with other people who are also on the path to that same discovery.
Go Out Into the World and Try Something New
So with that, I encourage you—whether you’re young or old—to go out into the world and try something new.
Go out and meet new people at the coffee shop. If you see someone on the street wearing a jacket you like, compliment them. If you’ve always wanted to try a certain restaurant on the corner, go sit down and order a meal. Have the courage to talk with people, to share about yourself, to ask them questions and learn from their perspectives. There is only so much you can learn from a computer screen—true knowledge and meaningful experiences come from living. They come from you welcoming people into your life and accepting them for who they are—accepting yourself for who you are. And one day, if you look around and see an odd group of people before you, be proud that you brought so many lonely hearts together. Because that’s really all anyone needs—a friend to sit with and talk to. We can make this world less lonely by having the courage to be a part of it. By having the courage to be ourselves.
I look around at my own picnic table now, and I’m so happy to see my odd, creative, fascinating friends before me. I only wish my mom was still here to sit with us and enjoy a meal.
Join our Night of Love Open Mic on Feb 14th, 8pm-11pm
I know that Valentine’s Day is coming soon, and sometimes, this particular day is a tough one for people in the city. However, why not embrace the day by going to a new event?
On Feb 14th, starting at 8PM, pspoets is hosting another poetry Open Mic at PEOPLE’S DTLA (1149 S Los Angeles St. ). It’s going to be one of the most fun and unique open mics we’ve ever done, and I know that you would have a great time if you decide to come. We have free drinks from PBR, a talented DJ for the event (DJ Wolvie), a beautiful space to hang out and meet new people in, and since PEOPLE’S is a cannabis store, all guests who attend get 30% off on cannabis products for a full year—an amazing deal and something to enjoy if you’re a cannabis enthusiast!
In any case, the most important thing is that you have the freedom to be yourself with other cool people who will accept you. Our community has always been an inviting one, and you’re more than welcome to join us. Right now, we’re selling tickets to this special event on our homepage (pspoets.com) and since you took the time to read this post, feel free to use this secret discount code at checkout: POETRYLOVERS
Remember, if you want to read a poem, get there by 8PM to make the sign-up sheet—spots go fast! But regardless, you’ll have a fun time listening to poetry and music, and you’ll definitely make some new friends.